Martian Death Flu

An Invasion from Mars: Get your feet up - and don't move By Dave Barry We have the flu. I don't know if this particular strain has an offi- cial name, but if it does, it must be something like "Martian Death Flu." You may have had it yourself. The main symptom is that you wish you had another setting on your electric blanket, up past "High", that said: "Electrocution". Another symptom is that you cease brushing your teeth because [a] your teeth hurt and [b] you lack the strength. Midway through the brushing process, you'd have to lie down in front of the sink to rest for a couple of hours, and rivulets of toothpaste foam would dribble sideways out of your mouth, eventually hardening into crusty little toothpaste stalagtites that would bond your head permanently to the bathroom floor, which is how the police would find you. You know the kind of flu I'm talking about. I spend a lot of time lying very still and thinking flu-related thoughts. One insight I have had is that all this time,scientists have been telling us the truth: Air really IS made up of tiny objects called "molecules." I know this because I can feel them banging against my body. There are billions and billions and billions of them, but if i concentrate, I can detect each one individually, striking my body, espe- cially my eyeballs, at speeds upwards of 100,000 miles per hour. If I try to escape by pulling the blanket over my face, they attack my hair, which has become almost as sensitive as my teeth. There has been a mound of blankets on my wife's side of the bed for several days now, absolutely motionless except that it makes occasional efforts to spit into a Kleenex. I think it might be my wife, but the only way to tell for sure would be to prod it, which I wouldn't do even if I had the strength because if it turned out that it was my wife and she were alive and I prodded her, it would kill her. Me, I am leading a more active lifestyle. Three or four times a day, I attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Unfortunately this is a distance of nearly 15 feet, with a great many air molecules en route, so at about the halfway point I usually decide to stop and get myself into the fetal position and hope for nuclear war. Instead, I get Earnest. Earnest is our dog. She senses instantly that something is wrong, and guided by that timeless and unerring nurturing instinct that all female dogs have, she tries to lick my ears off. For my son, Robert, this is proving to be the high point of his entire life to date. He has had his pajamas on for two, maybe three days now. He has the sense of joyful independence a 5-year-old gets when he suddenly realizes that he could be operating an acetylene torch in the coat closet and neither parent would have the strength to object. He has been foraging for his own food, which means his diet consists entirely of "food" substances that are advertised only on Saturday- morning cartoon shows, substances that are the color of jukebox lights and that, for legal reasons, have their names spelled wrong, as in New Creemy Chok-'n'-Cheez Lumps o' Froot ["part of this complete breakfast"]. Crawling around, my face inches from the carpet, I sometimes encounter traces of colorful wrappers that Robert has torn from these substances and dropped on the floor, where Earnest, always on patrol, has found them and chewed them into spit-covered wads. I am reassured by this. It means they are both eating. The Martian Death Flu has not been an entirely bad thing. Since I cannot work, or move, or think, I have been able to spend more Quality Time with Robert, to come up with creative learning activities that we can enjoy and share together. Today, for example, I taught him, as my father had taught me, how to make an embarassing noise with your hands. Then we shot rubber bands at the participants on "Divorce Court." Then, just in case some parts of our brains were still alive, we watched professional bowling. Here's what televised pro bowling sounds like when you have the flu: PLAY-BY-PLAY MAN: He left the 10-pin, Bob. COLOR COMMENTATOR: Yes, Bill. He failed to knock it down. PLAY-BY-PLAY MAN: It's still standing up. COLOR COMMENTATOR: Yes. Now he must try to knock it down. PLAY-BY-PLAY MAN: You mean the 10-pin, Bob? The day just flew by. Soon it was 3:30 p.m., time to crawl back through the air molecules to the bedroom, check on my wife or whoever that is, and turn in for the night. Earnest was waiting about halfway down the hall. "Look at this," the police will say when they find me. "His ears are missing."

Random Thoughts

Why do people get mad at you then not tell you why they are mad? It drives me crazy. I am not a perfect person nor will I ever be one. I generally don't intent to upset anyone, but sometimes it does happen. Now this person is going to be mad at me and not tell me why, worse they are going to be hidden mad and take it out on me in other ways. Just tell me what I did wrong, I promise I will fix it or at least feel really bad about it. If you don't tell me there is a problem I will not know there is a problem. I am as perspective as a brick wall, and just about as fast as one too. More importantly if I don't know something is making you mad, I will do it again. I say if you don't tell me the first time I did it made you mad, then you don't get to be mad the second time.

A Conversation With God

Me: I hate you. God: Why? Me: Everything is your fault, everything is your plan. So it is all your fault. God: If it is my plan then it is happening as I want it too, you just don't understand. Me: Then explain it to me. Why do people die young? Why is there war? Why is there cancer? Why do babies die? Why do you let this horrible things happen? God: I could answer all of those questions, but I know that is not really what is bothering you. You are only truly worried about yourself. You only want to know why you don't get what you want. Me: You took everything from me, and I am suppose to just expect that. Why does everything have to be your plan. Why can't my plans be important too. What about what I want. What about the house and car I want. The family I had planned, the job I needed. What about my happiness? You left me to fight for myself and I did. I continue to fight everyday for what I want, but all you do is say no that is not my plan. Why should I care about your plan if it doesn't include what I want. Why should I let you guide me when I can do it by myself. God: I can grant you eternal salvation. You will live in paradise forever if you just follow me. Me: And if I don't I have to go to Hell. That is no choice you wave your hand and cast me away for having my own ideas about my life. That hardly seems fair. I hang on to my anger and never seem able to forgive. Is that part of your plan, me being so damn stubborn. Is that what you want for me. God: I want everyone of my children to come back to me. I cry forever lost soul, but that is the price I pay for granted you free will. I want no followers who don't believe. I force no one to follow me, it is your choice. Me:...... God: I made you the way you are so that you can grow. If you had not gone thru everything you had in your life you would not be who you are. For every thing you have gone thru has made you a stronger and better person. You can learn to forgive, and let go of your anger you just have to ask. You did become who you are overnight, and you will not change overnight. I could take it all from you in a moment, but then you would no longer be you. I made you this way for a reason and you are still a part of my plan. Me: I have never asked for anything from anyone that is the hardest thing to do. My sinful pride will not let me. God: You say yourself it is your sinful pride. I have always been there just waiting for you to ask. I will grant you these things, and the entire kingdom of heaven. Just let me help you. Let go of everything and let me guide you. I will show you the way. Me: God please forgive me for I am full of sin. You know my daily struggles and can truly see my heart. Help me to forgive and accept your wisdom. It has taken me 30 years of fighting but I see now that I can't do this by myself. I have denied you at every turn so sure that my way was better. I now that you where only trying to show me the path. Help me to let go of my anger and to grow as a person, but more importantly as a Christian. I accept now that everything I have now in my life is because of you. Help me to use everything I have to be the person you know I can be. But most of all help me to be humble and let you guide my path.

God’s Creation

By Cassandra Brown

English

Drifting back a single place stands out in the writer’s memory. Using the five senses, sight, taste, smell, sound, and touch Niagara falls, Ontario, Canada can be described. Also the sight of the rolling water and the sound of the surrounding activities a person may experience are going to be explored. The taste of the salty mist and the sense of being a small dot on the map are given in detail. Niagara Falls is an amazing sight that indulges all the senses, because it is something only the hand of god could create.

The rolling water comes down the river like a freight train ending with the wonderful sight a woman stands gazing at in wonder. Standing there not knowing how this amazing wonder even began.  Did it begin as a small stream or has it always been this massive hole of wonder. The twinkle of light that fall upon the strip at night look as though the night sky as fell to the ground. On occasion some will see the rainbow of lights that fall upon the Horseshoe Falls.

Distracting a sight seer the sounds of the strip filter out over the sound of the falls. The small carnival gives off the familiar sound of children’s laughter.   The grinding sound of the fairest wheel grinding to a haul as lover exit hand in hand, tenderness in their hesitant giggles fills the night air.   The overwhelming sound of the tourists muddling about, showing that the Falls are something that is share between families, friends and strangers.

The salty smell enters the nose as the new explorer crosses the rainbow bridge into paradise. While walking along the strip the days of old fasion caramel popcorn and taffy drift to one’s nose.  While a tour on the double decker bus brings smells of sunscreen and the woman that left the hotel with a little too much perfume are burned into the memory. Flowers paint the causeways like a Picasso painting, filling the air with sweet smells of a backyard gardens.

While your senses are now almost filling to the brim, stepping back in aw, the viewer realizes what a small speck in a vast world. Taking the time to slow down is sometimes hard to find. The peace founded next to the Falls is like the first night a new born sleeps through the night. It takes a life time to find absolute peace and a moment to lose it.  So a true seeker cherishes every moment in God’s wonder.

Him

By: Cassandra Brown

English

                Is he a friend, a lover, a savior? This man fall into all of these categories.  In great detail I will describe how this wonder human being pulled me from the depths of despair to comfort me. Also I will explain the new formed connection we have that makes us one. I was lost and he saved me, because of this I am the person I am this moment in time.

                Smack, rock bottom this girl hit it hard like a ton of bricks. Then out of nowhere a friend of many years reached out a life line. He put himself in the middle of violence and pain to give a lost soul salvation. He pulled me in giving me strength to stand on my own.   To stand up for the things in life that is right. He has always been there in front of me, but I was blinded by temptation.

                Love, passion, and partnership are all a part of my life thanks to this saving grace.  I am free as a bird to live and become what God intended for me.  A smile something so unfamiliar is now a part of my daily wardrobe. He tells me am beautiful and smart. He says I can do anything in this world. At the end of the day I can’t wait to fall asleep wrapped in his arms. All those years behind the eyes of a friend were the love of my life.

                I was lead off the path of happiness to be hurt and defeated, think that no one could love me. If I would have just stopped for one moment and looked into the eyes of a friend I would have found what I was missing. He was there when others were not and he comforted me when I was beaten and bruised. Now I cherish every moment I spend gazing into his eyes and being wrapped in his arms, because I know someone finally looking back.

Reminder: Chris Allen invited you to join Facebook...

facebook Hi, Chris wants to be your friend on Facebook. No matter how far away you are from friends and family, Facebook can help you stay connected. Other people have asked to be your friend on Facebook. Accept this invitation to see your previous friend requests Chris Allen 490 friends · 31 photos · 3 notes · 106 Wall posts Accept Invitation Go to Facebook This message was sent to cman2342.here@blogger.com. If you don't want to receive these emails from Facebook in the future or have your email address used for friend suggestions, please click: unsubscribe. Facebook, Inc. Attention: Department 415 P.O Box 10005 Palo Alto CA 94303

Reminder: Chris Allen invited you to join Facebook...

facebook Hi, Chris wants to be your friend on Facebook. No matter how far away you are from friends and family, Facebook can help you stay connected. Other people have asked to be your friend on Facebook. Accept this invitation to see your previous friend requests Chris Allen 479 friends · 30 photos · 3 notes · 106 Wall posts Accept Invitation Go to Facebook This message was sent to cman2342.here@blogger.com. If you don't want to receive these emails from Facebook in the future or have your email address used for friend suggestions, please click: unsubscribe. Facebook, Inc. Attention: Department 415 P.O Box 10005 Palo Alto CA 94303

Check out my photos on Facebook

facebook Hi Blog, Chris Allen is inviting you to join Facebook. Once you join, you'll be able to see updates, photos and more from all of these friends ...and share your own! Chris Allen 457 friends · 28 photos · 3 notes · 103 Wall posts Join Facebook This message was sent to cman2342.here@blogger.com. If you don't want to receive these emails from Facebook in the future or have your email address used for friend suggestions, please click: unsubscribe. Facebook, Inc. Attention: Department 415 P.O Box 10005 Palo Alto CA 94303

The Freedom party

I have become completely disgusted with all my options for voting. This includes all the available party's to vote for. There is finally options besides democratic and republican, but they are not much better. Every party has it upside and downside, it also seems that there is way more downside to all the parties. I have my own ideas for a new party with a new direction to take America. These are my humble ideas, some may seem out there, but any new idea seems crazy when you first hear it.

First and foremost No more wars or police actions. I am so tired about hearing about billions and billions spent on wars in other countries and then paying to rebuild that country. We need to close down all foreign bases and bring all of our troops home. Now If the Untied Nations ask for Americas help then of course we will provide troops and resources, but only if asked. If we where to just cut out all of our spending on never ending foreign wars, we would save billions.

Second No more war on drugs. We spend entirely to much money jailing and trying to arrest people for the use of drugs. Do you realize for every year a person is in jail it cost an average of $25,000 dollars. That is for one person in jail. Think about how many people are in jail right now. Then think about 50% of those are in for non violent drug charges. I don't like people telling me what to do if what I am doing doesn't hurt anyone else. If some one wants to sit at home and do drugs that is there choice and should be allowed to do it. If you make it legal to sell drugs then all of the criminal activity surrounding drug sells will go away. There would be no more drug shootings for territory or smugglers. Also police will be able to use all of those resources for other things. Now the key to this is to legalize all drugs, but employers would still be allowed to drug test and they can chose to not hire anyone who test positive without penalty. Anyone caught in public or driving will face the same charges as DUI or Public Intoxication. Then we tax all the sales of these drugs and I can only imagine what that would raise.

Third taxes, I want to see a 10% tax increase on anyone who makes more than $250,000 dollars a year and a 10% tax cut for anyone who makes less than %250,000. No more tax breaks for the wealthy.

Fourth Elected officials will not receive there salary for the rest of there life's. The will have to get a personal 401k just like every other american. Also congress and the house of Representatives will only get 50,000 a year. The average American lives on less than that, so they should be just fine. And who knows it may teach them how to live within a budget.

Fifth Marriage, anyone can marry any person they want. I am tired of people pushing there morals on other people. I understand that you have strong moral beliefs, but national laws should not be passed on a individuals morals. Two people getting married doesn't affect anyone but the two people getting married. They are not hurting or violating the rights of anyone else, so leave them alone.

Sixth American is a country founding and build by immigrants. It is funny how people forget that when they talk about Mexicans trying to come to America. We need to streamline the process to become a American Citizen and make it cheaper and easier. I believe that the people coming across the border would do it legally if it was easier. If we catch people here illegally still deport them but at the same time try to educate them on how to come her legally and give them a chance.

Seventh Free healthcare with all the money raised/ saved by these things should be more than enough to cover healthcare for all. Not health insurance for everyone, but truly free healthcare.

Eight Balance the budget, We are going to have a complete economic crash if we don't make changes. My plan will raise/ save billions after that we need to be smart with the money and live within our means as a country.

These are just some things I thing will help, I have other ideas too. This is my new party, The Freedom Party. Isn't that what America is suppose to be, Freedom for all?

Random thoughts

I have been spending a lot of time lately watching so called reality TV. Not shows like Jersey Shore I do have some standards. Instead I have been watching fishing shows i.e. Deadliest Catch, Lobstermen, and Swords. As I am watching them I can't figure out why I am watching them. People throw trap in water, then pull trap out of water. Take shit out of the cage and then repeat. I know on some level that this show is the same thing over and over, but I can't stop watching it. I literally sit on the edge of my seat and get excited about crabs in a cage or sad if its empty. Is there something wrong with my brain. I must not be the only one this show are insanely popular I just can't figure out why. I do know this I will keep watching them, and I will be entertained.

The Blackhoodieninja Podcast

should couples tell each other every thing?

as women we live with this dream that we need to know everything about the person we are with. is this necessary? is it positive to know every deep dark, back of the closet secret that you partner has. will it make you love them less? i think not. i made the mistake of trying too reach that no secrets between us goal and i made myself look like an idiot. i want to be honest with my partner, but i don't want them to think in the back of their head "what the hell was i thinking!" if you are in a relationship with someone you love them for who they are now, not who they where then. so is it necessary to know everything they have ever done. the thing that pledges me is what is too much? do you think people that have been married 50 years know everything about each other? probably not they have 50 years of memories they made together and the stuff before that doesn't really matter. so fellow women we need to let go of this dream and realize there are thing we don't need to know and there are things we don't need to share. I'm not saying we shouldn't share our childhood with our partners, but those stupid things you did between 13 and 25 may not be something that needs to be brought up unless necessary.

Leadership

Let me ask you something: How can all the kids in these awful American strip mall karate schools be learning leadership? By definition can't only one be learning leadership? Maybe one or two more can learn lieutenantship, but that's about it.

we the people

a statement made by our president

our president made a statement that if a bill give the USA enough money to get out of debt was not passed that he would have to cut government benefits like SSI, Medical, food stamps, government housing, etc. he also stated that as a whole we would need to learn to live in blended house holds. I'm really hoping this is just a scare tactic and he realizes what this will actually do to this country. benefit cut backs are one thing, but when you take away someones source of income that they use to survive this is not right.if  he cuts all these programs the homeless rate will sky rocket. and as for living in blended house holds, the murder rate will go up. i love my family but you stick all of us under one roof, some one's gonna die. just saying! 

Podcast test

My week

So the only thing I want for my 30th birthday is a Tattoo If everyone Donated 5 dollars I could so get it, would you help

So the only thing I want for my 30th birthday is a Tattoo If everyone Donated 5 dollars I could so get it, would you help

tour of bonnieville, ky during there 4th of july homecoming

Are we a generation of pill-heads?

this is something that has been on my mind for awhile. i feel doctors don't want to fix anything or help cure it so they give you pills and more pills to just cope. we are given pills to sleep, to wake up, to prevent pregnancy, to stop a pregnancy, to lose weight, to make you happy, to deal with everyday living and if any of these have side effects they give you another pills to correct the side effect. we have no reason to take responsibility for our actions or emotions.  so back to my question are we a generation of pill-heads?